Going to bed early enough to get a good nights rest, so you can be bright-eyed and ready for the next day are great when put into practice. Seldom does this happen for the doll. For some reason she’s been stuck in a horrible sleep pattern as of late; not falling asleep until several hours past her bedtime. “Mom you know I have amnesia” she recently told me. “Yes, you are forgetful, though not as bad as the boy…” I replied. “What?” “Do you mean you have “Insomnia?” I asked. “Oh yeah, sorry”. “Are you listening to music before bed?” I asked. “Yes, but it’s on so low you can barely hear it” She countered. “Turn it off tonight. We need to find a way for you to fall asleep…” I explained. “I don’t know what could possibly turn off my brain…” She replied.
A few weeks back I gave her an antihistamine, hoping the drug would allow her to get a full night’s rest; which in turn would help her get back on track. Instead when the time came to wake up in the morning she cried, “What did you give me, I’m even more exhausted! I can’t go to school, I won’t stay awake!!” Well I guess that didn’t work… I thought to myself. Yet through all her protestations, she did in fact go to school that day and lo and behold, actually managed to stay awake (especially when bedtime rolled around). “Have you said a rosary? How about counting backwards from one hundred?” I said, offering some methods which have worked for me in the past. But each possible solution I offered was acrimoniously shot down. “Doll I don’t know what to do for you other than have you go to bed earlier in hopes of falling asleep sooner…” I explained. “Mom, that’s the stupidest idea yet…” she replied.
Last weekend was very fun yet hard and full. Whenever my family gathers for a wedding, we don’t just celebrate one day-but the entire weekend. By Sunday evening we were all quite exhausted–even I kept nodding off while watching television with the family. When bedtime arrived, all of us crashed rather easily; save the doll. Once again, catching up with her friends over social media was more important than getting herself ready to sleep. Monday morning when I entered her room; making sure she was up and ready for school, I found her sitting atop her top bunk looking exhausted. “Doll…you’re going to be late..let’s get going…” I said. Without reply she simply shot daggers at me. “Hurry up, I’ll make you some lunch”. When she finally entered the kitchen, still dressed in her night-clothes I asked “What’s going on?” “I’m tired…” she whispered. “Yeah? Get in line. C’mon get moving” I said unimpressed. Instead she sat down at the kitchen table and just stared off into space. “What’s going on with you? You look like you’re about to cry…” I said.
And the roller coaster climbed another hill…..
Tears began to fall from her face as she said, “I just don’t see the point”. “The point to what?” I asked. “To everything. I mean what’s the point if we’re all going to die. Why am I even here?”
“Doll, God had put all of us here for a reason….to live a good life, to love others and to help others along the way…” I said as she grabbed me into a hug and cried into my chest. “That can’t be true because then why would he let us die?”
On a side note, while I enjoyed her needing me in the moment, I also knew there was no way to avoid her being late for school now. But I could control how late she would be…so I gave her a plausible explanation hoping she would calm down, get dressed and get to school.
“Hey…the planet is only so big you know? If he allowed all of us to live forever and continue to procreate, we would have run out of room years ago. This way we all get to share the ride…” I said. After wiping her nose and eyes on my sweatshirt she released her arms from around my back and disappeared into her bedroom to get dressed. Then I finished making her lunch and helped her get her stuff together before she finally left for school, fifteen minutes late.
As she walked down the street I couldn’t help but wonder what other dramatic rollercoaster rides the doll has in store for us…and hope I have my safety belt fastened…