This summer the boy and doll have remained at home while I’ve gone to work. Reason would hold they are old enough to take care of themselves, however they are not allowed to leave the house without calling me first. At the start of summer, their father left his cell phone at home for their use. Now they call me from the home phone before going anywhere and calling me back when they arrive home. So far so good, but some of the phone calls I have been getting from them are hilarious.
Last week when I had Charlotte at a doctor’s appointment, I found this message on my voicemail after I reactivated my phone…”Mom…um, the boy told me if I don’t go with him to the park’s program, he was going to ground me. I told him that since he wasn’t my mother and only my mother could ground me, he couldn’t ground me and instead he could go jump in a lake…”
Another day the boy called to inform “the doll is torturing the dog. She’s chased that demon under your bed and is trying to coax it out with a treat!” “Boy, tell her to come to the phone”. When she picked up the receiver I said, “Doll, please leave the dog alone.” “Mom, the boy didn’t have to tattle on me, the dog is fine.” “Be that as it may, stay away from the dog” I replied. “Fine. You know the boy is a pain!” Well yes she’s not telling me anything I didn’t already know. “Doll, from his perspective I think he could say the same thing of you”. “Not funny mom.” Unbeknownst to both of us the boy was listening in on another receiver and added, “You’re right mom she is by far a bigger pain than I could ever be!” “BOY!” the doll and I both said back.
The other day, I received a phone call from my brother whom the boy called when he couldn’t get ahold of me. “Marsha, the boy called because he couldn’t get through to you and thought I could help. Evidently the doll misplaced her key and is terrified her dad will kill her.” Laughing I thanked him before hanging up and calling home. “Mom, the doll is in tears and keeps yelling at me.” During the course of our conversation I noticed a change in his voice, like he may have found something… “Boy, tell the doll to come…” “Oooh, I have an idea, let’s prank the doll!” “What? No, did you find the key?” “Uh yeah… giggle, I have a great idea let’s really make her sweat!” “NO, boy, call her to the phone and hand her the key.” “Ohhh dollllll…guess what I found….” he musically pronounced. As she entered the room I could hear her crying and miffed at her brother. “You’re talking to mom? Great now she’s going to….” she began before the boy said, “Aren’t you going to ask what I found?” “You found the key?” she asked excitedly. “No, just wads of your hair!!” he said and laughed; all the while I’m yelling through the receiver, “Give her back the key!!” Though I couldn’t see her face, I’m sure it fell into a disappointing heap when he pulled her chain. “No, actually I found your key here on the couch. It was hiding in plain site oh and Mom wants to talk to you…”
“It’s okay mom, the boy found the key..” she said into the receiver. “Doll, I know you’re worried about your dad’s reaction to losing the key, but he will never kill you. He’ll only be disappointed that you didn’t take better care not to lose it.” “I know…but…” she trailed off. “Go have fun at the park program and I’ll see you after work, okay?” Still weepie she said “Okay.”