Monthly Archives: December 2012

Season 13 episode 354.1….

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Wednesday morning banter between the doll, the boy and Me.  Thank goodness Christmas Vacation starts Friday.

Me: Boy, is that the shirt you were wearing yesterday?”

Boy: Yes.

Me: Take it off, put on deodorant and find a new shirt.

Boy: But I like this shirt.

Me: Okay, but no one else will like you…Please, change your shirt.

Me: Doll! Hurry up it’s almost 8 O’Clock.

Doll: I AM UP MOM JEEZE!!!

Me: No need to yell at me; please get dressed.

Doll: I AM GETTING DRESSED!!

Me:  “Yes Mother, I am getting dressed.”

Doll: “MOM! JEEZE I SAID I WAS GETTING DRESSED.  WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT?”

Me:  I would like you to say, “Okay mom, I’m getting dressed”.  Not the attitude driven screech I received.

As I finished my reply, I was transported back into time, where my own mother stood in the doorway to my bedroom as I screeched at her for roughly the same issue.  The nut evidently didn’t fall far from the tree….

A few minutes later…

Doll: We’re having reconciliation at school today.  I can tell you mine will have to do with a certain brother

Boy: What?  I’m a great brother.

Doll: Hardly

Boy: Mom did you hear what she just said?

Me: When you go to reconciliation you can talk about your sister in response.

Boy: Nah, that would insinuate that she’s important to me.

The funniest part of this banter is that it sounded oddly familiar…only 35 plus years removed.

Boy: Mom, I’m leaving for school.

Me: Okay, I’m right behind you…

Doll: Don’t forget your secret Santa gift boy.

Boy: Don’t worry about me doll, I have above average intelligence…unlike my little sister

Doll: Hey!

Boy: Ah, doll I’m kidding.  I know you have at least average intelligence

The boy and I were out the door heading toward the curb when the doll opened up the door and said,

Doll:  Hey boy!  If not slightly below….

Boy:  Yep! and then he giggled.

Me: What was that about?

Boy: It’s a joke from Madagascar 3.

The boy crossed the street safely, but decided to wait for a few neighbor children to accompany him on the walk.  I meanwhile turned and went back inside to encourage the doll to move a little faster.

Doll: Oh look, the boy forgot his Secret Santa present.

Me:  I got them.

Walking outside, holding up the forgotten present, I shouted for the boy to return home. Turning around, he lowered his head upon seeing the present then promptly walked back toward his home.  The doll meanwhile walked out of the house finally ready to walk to school with her brother.

Doll: Here’s your Secret Santa present boy…Look who has the below intelligence now…

Boy: Well, as we both know the answer to that is mom. (he smirked as he said that)  She should have reminded me or grabbed it on her way out the door.

Me: What?

Boy: Nothing!

Me: Uh huh, good luck on your exams…now move you’re going to be late…both of you.

Boy and Doll in unison: Bye mom, love you!

Me: Have a great day, I love you too.

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blasts…

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A week before Christmas.  You are either in the camp who finished shopping just after Thanksgiving or you’re like me…waffling on whether you can afford one more present.  Couple with having to find something to wear and not wanting to waist money on “fat” clothing; believing the new year will bring fresh desire to lose weight.  The kids are completely oblivious.  Their school hosted a “Santa’s workshop” where area craft vendors came and sold various goods at reasonable prices.  In past years I was able to grab quite a few “White elephant” presents at the school sale.  This year, I was too busy to attend.

“What’s with this gummy candy sitting here?” the doll asked me Sunday.  “That’s for your secret Santa at school.  Under $3 right?”  “Oh…” the doll replied a little disappointed I didn’t buy them for her to consume.  Yesterday the boy asked the same question.  “Do either of you pay attention to me when  I’m talking or answering questions?” I asked.  True to the boy’s personality he replied, “Only when it refers to something important.” “What do you deem important?” I asked.  He smiled and finished, “Wouldn’t you like to know…”

******

Last night I went over to my dad’s in search of Christmas pictures of me as a child. I know I was the most loved of their children because I always had the most presents….but alas, I couldn’t find any photos.  Instead I found several Christmas shots of my nieces and nephews; my brother Dan with hair; thin and younger versions of myself…my wedding invitation.  I came across letters written to my parents, my mom just couldn’t let go.  This morning I pulled some of the old photos out for the kids to look upon and we laughed.  “Mom, I only recognized your brothers by their faces…”  “This does not look like Aunt Ann at all!”  “Mom you were a cute baby….but not as cute as me…” “Look when I was a baby I had your nose…not anymore…”  “You know mom, I have your lips…the trademark rosebud lips.  Too bad the doll isn’t as lucky!”  “BOY!”

I guess mornings aren’t real here until a jab of snark is thrown and a shout at in response is made

In the last week I’ve began the gargantuan task of cleaning out the basement; shredding old tax forms, putting photos in one spot to go through later and sorting through all the kids various school projects over the years.   Last night I couldn’t help but laugh at the comparison.  I have enough school projects to keep a bonfire lit for days…yet can hardly bring myself to part with them.  I guess I take after my mom…which isn’t a bad thing…simply a cluttered kind of thing.

Something my children, judging by the state of their bedrooms, no doubt take after also.

perspectives…

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When I arrived home from work on Friday, the first thing I did upon entering my home was ask the kids to give me a hug.  The doll was sitting on the floor, rodent in hand, perhaps scolding or apologizing to her hamster for the animal’s overnight adventure through our house.  The boy meanwhile was sitting at the kitchen table, laptop in hand, watching some obnoxious video (I’m sure).  “What’s wrong?” the doll asked as she placed the hamster back into her cage, then stood to give me a hug.  “Hard day” I replied, not wanting to explain, just wanting the hugs.

Ever since the doll was an infant, giving her a hug has been different than the boy. First she places her arms in front of her; both hands underneath her chin.  Then leans forward into your body, so you have to encompass her whole body with your arms.  The boy entered the room then and gave us both a bear hug.  We stood there for a minute all three of us, feeling the love we have for one another, before the boy said something funny and we all broke apart laughing.  “You know doll, these arms in front has been with you since day one.” I said as she smiled at the recognition.  The boy looked over and asked, “What about me?”  “When you were a baby, you used to make little fists and put them on your cheeks, on both sides of your mouth when you nursed.  It was as if you needed to remind your mouth to work… “The boy slightly embarrassed by the image, lunged forward and gave me another hug.  “No mom, seriously, why did you need the hug?”  He asked.  I simply replied, “There are days when I’m reminded of how blessed and grateful I am that God graced me, with you both in my life.  Today carried a huge reminder”

********

Over the weekend, we’ve been inundated with news casts, blips and blurbs all concerning the tragedy coming from our neighbors 600 miles east.  There have been calls for gun control restrictions; more affordable mental health treatment programs among many others; all trying to figure out how to curb a growing problem in our nation.  “Kids today are desensitized via video games.   They don’t understand the consequence of when you’re dead your dead” I read on twitter the other night.  Another person posted an interesting blog about her son’s mental health issues, only to be discredited the following day, for her frustration-fueled past blogs about her children.

No matter where we look, the answers seem to be just beyond our grasp. Last night the President said what we collectively hold in our hearts…this has got to end.

The only solution I have is prayer…

****

This morning as I walked the kids to the curb, sending them off for school, I couldn’t help but feel…. God love all those children, parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, grandparents who won’t have this opportunity again.  My heart goes out to you.

God Bless.

Hamster diaries….

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Last year for Christmas all the doll wanted was a hamster.  Santa took pity upon her and granted that special Christmas wish–even though Mrs. Claus was strongly opposed to the idea.  “But the rodent will live in a cage…” Santa argued.  ” “Yes, but cages often prove they can be broken out from….” Mrs. Claus warned.  “The doll will be real careful and this will teach her how to care for another living being.  Why she might even be nicer to the boy…” Santa argued.  Mrs. Claus smiled and said, “Don’t press your luck with that second part.”  Thinking a moment longer she added,   “Well if the darn rodent gets loose in the house, that will be the end to the rodent…”  “Aye” Santa agreed.

Almost a year and a hamster later, we were all met with a not so pleasant surprise this morning.   Walking past the hamster cage, which has taken up residence in my living room, I noticed the cage empty; the wheel and bed fluff littering the floor.  “Where’s the hamster?” I said rather loudly.  A second later the doll  who moments earlier was fighting me to get out of bed and up for school, appeared.  “Whaddya mean ‘Where’s the hamster?'” she said standing there all tensed up.  Tears were springing from her eyes as I turned and said, “What do you think I mean?”

Chaos ensued.

The boy thought this morning’s entertainment was created just for him and proceeded to pummel us with sarcastic remarks on his sister’s bad luck.  “SHUT UP!!” the doll screamed as he continued on his path.  “HOW CAN I HEAR IF THE HAMSTER IS UNDER THE COUCH IF YOU KEEP TALKING!!!” The doll screamed, her voice raising higher and higher under each word.  The boy laughed.  I called their father.  “Have you seen the hamster this morning?”  I asked into the phone receiver.  “Um, unless you’re referring to the boy….I’d have to say no.”  “Great you’re no help!” I said to him as I hung up the receiver.

In the meantime the doll, unable to find the rodent began crying hysterically, while her brother did his “own” search for the animal.  “I know, let’s let the dog find Brownie…you know Terrorists have excellent rodent finding skills…”  “NO!!” the doll yelled out.  The boy laughed, “What?  We just have to make sure we pick Brownie up before Dixie eats her”.  “Boy, you’re not helping” I informed.  He snickered before adding, “But you gotta admit, that would be fun to watch…” “BOY….GOOO AWAY!!!” the doll insisted.

“Okay, I’ll look in my room to see if Brownie settled in there” the boy said before disappearing into his bedroom, still talking loudly about his plan.  “Doll, let’s just hope the rodent didn’t make it into the basement” I said realizing if it did…we’d never find the darn thing.  The doll froze again; tears began to spit out of her eyes as she realized the possibilities.  “Doll, standing like a zombie and crying isn’t going to help matters” I said.  “May…he may…be, Brownie already wenn (sigh) into (sigh) ….” She tried to say through her tears.  “Well, you can look” I said.  Grabbing another flashlight I asked the boy to take another look under the entertainment center.

“Nothing under here but dust…” the boy began when we were interrupted by screams from the doll…”BROWNIE, I FOUND HER, I FOUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNDDDDDDD    HER.”  The boy and I made a beeline to the basement steps where the doll stood holding the rodent.  “As I walked down the steps, I saw her run across the floor…” the doll said as relief crossed her face.  “Good thing too…if she had made it to the other side, she could have gone out the floor drain” I added.  “MO-OM!!!!!!!!” The doll screamed as if I insulted her.  “What?  Don’t yell at me for pointing out the obvious.  C’mon, let’s put the creature in a different cage–one that seals shut and locks.  You need to leave for school.”

When the doll emerged from the basement, holding the rodent against her heart, she was fully ensconced in tears again.  “Oh, looky the doll is crying more now than she was before….” the boy needled at his sister.  “BOY!” I scolded.  “Must we keep beating the dead horse?”  “Oh come on mom, let me have some fun this morning…” the boy replied.  “SHUT UP!!” His sister said at him again. “I think we’ve had more than enough fun this morning…” I announced.  “Doll stop yelling at your brother, lock down that rodent and lets go…”  Looking over at my boy, his smile betraying the thoughts in his head added, “Well having the dog catch the rodent would have been far more entertaining, but….I’m glad your rodent is home safe.”  The doll, her eyes narrowed readied to fire another “shut up” at him, thought better of it and said “Thanks bubba”.

Disaster averted once more…and thankfully this time had nothing to do with me and a tampon box.

Mayans….shmyans….

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As we draw closer to the predicted end of the world on December 21, my kids have been offering suggestions on why the Mayan calendar does not predict the end of the world…

The Boy:  The calendar maker died.  He went home, ate dinner and died in his sleep.  No one could read his handwriting and so they didn’t know how to continue and…..since he stopped 200 years ahead no one thought of continuing forward.

Me:  Well that’s plausible I suppose…but does 200 years signify anything?

The Boy: Well that was most likely how long the Mayans believed they would reign in their world.  Too bad their estimations were not as accurate as their calendars…

*******

The doll:  I think the calendar maker was so consumed with his work that he lost track of real time.  When he decided to take a break, he emerged from inside the pyramid to discover everyone had left…so he left to find his civilization.

Me:  That works too…but the civilization broke apart over several decades.  Why wasn’t he aware their demise was happening and how did he have food inside the pyramid to last for so long?

The doll:  Mom, you’re over thinking everything.  Can’t you just live in the moment?

*****

Me:
mayan

 

today is special why….?

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“Boy!  Guess what today is?” I asked as he was finishing up his bowl of raisin bran cereal.  Looking over at me he plainly said, “Wednesday.”  “That’s right! You are correct!  But what else is today…..?” I said trying to lead him on.  Not really interested in the game I was playing, he gave me a rather dull look which really meant “I’ll humor you mom, but hurry up, my History channel documentary about Mt. Rushmore is on and your keeping me from listening to it”  What?” He replied.  “Twelve, twelve, twelve!” I said in a smug yet captivating type voice. The boy rolled his eyes at me and then replied, “So”.  “So!?  So!?! This is the last time this century we’ll have repetitive numbers like this in our date.  So!! At 12:12 pm say a prayer.” I suggested.  “Nah, I’ll make a wish instead”. He replied.  “A wish is like a prayer dude and you’ll be at school…what better place to say a prayer?” I returned.  The boy’s “Uh huh” signaled the end of the conversation, as he turned his attention back to his television program, thus cutting off all future morning discussions for the day.

A few minutes later…his sister, the doll entered the kitchen.  Sitting down to breakfast at the table, I smiled and said, “Hey doll, guess what today is?”  Mirroring her brother she replied, “Wednesday”.  “That is correct!” I began.  “Just like with your brother, I’m very happy you both know the days of the week!”  I replied sarcastically.  She narrowed her eyes and shot me an annoyed look.  “What else is today?” I asked.  “Well, it’s that weird camel kind of day…” She replied.  “Camel kind of….?” I repeated before “Oh!” As understanding crossed my brow; “Oh, yeah, hump day!  Yep that’s true, too…but no, what else?” Shaking her head back and forth I let her off the hook.  “Today is Twelve, twelve, twelve! The last repetitive date in our century!”  She smiled at me with a “mom’s off her rocker” kind of smile.  “So at 12:12 pm. say a prayer…you only have a single minute to live in that moment.  Say a prayer for a bright future!” I suggested.

“Let’s hope that bright future is not a nuclear bomb going off outside your window” The boy helpfully suggested.

Both the doll and I turned our heads back to the boy who added, “What?  The world is supposed to end soon anyway”.  “Just ignore him” I said to the doll.  “Mom, you’re wrong we have two whole minutes to offer prayers today because 12:12 occurs twice.” The doll informed.  “True, but you were asleep during the first minute…” I replied.  “Oh yeah.” the doll said at the realization.  Smiling at both children I reiterated, “Pray at 12:12 pm.”  The doll smiled and said, “No problem mom, we usually pray at noon anyway.” “Well pray then and then twelve minutes later…” I suggested.  “Whatever mom” the doll replied, before finishing her breakfast, while the boy continued to ignore us.

 

 

connectivity….

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“Mom I had a really odd dream…” the doll informed as she began getting dressed for school.  “Oh yeah?” I asked.  “Yes, well, I was attending a school…not like my school, more like Hogwarts.  And the school was on fire so we were being evacuated into boats…” “Doll were you reading Harry Potter last night?” I asked curious where her dream came from.  “Nope, but anyway, when I got into the boat I was supposed to get into, you were there, steering the boat, except it wasn’t you like you are today; It was you when you were in kindergarten.”

“I was in kindergarten?” I asked with a smile.  “Well I assumed it was you.  Like I know what you look like and it looked like what I thought you would look like in kindergarten”.  “I was a really cute baby.  Ask anyone of my brothers and sisters, they’ll tell you I was the cutest kid” I remarked facetiously.  “Well…wait, I bet Uncle Danny might argue that point with you.”  “Well he could…he was a cute kid, but I was pretty…not just cute.  My mom used to tell me all the time I was the most beautiful baby she had.”  The doll gave me a half smile then went back to her story.  “Well anyway…,” she paused and looked up at me to make sure I was still listening.   “…Like I was saying, you were in the boat but as a kindergartener and I got nervous, you know with the school all in flames and asked if I could borrow your cell phone so I could call you.”  She snickered at the thought. “Did the kindergarten mommy give you a phone?”  I asked.

She thought for a moment and then said, “I don’t know, but then I just had a phone in my hand.  Then I called home and told you about what was happening and you told me to hold tight that you would be there to pick me up.  Then I told you about you already being in the boat and you said I must have inhaled some nasty smoke.”  The doll finished with a laugh.  “I said that?”  “Yep.  Isn’t that a weird dream mom?”  Smirking at the doll I said, “Well, I guess having me as a kid and the adult was your way of feeling safe within the dream”.  I said kind of proud the doll still holds tightly to me.

Looking oddly at me, she replied, “That’s not it at all mom.”  “It’s not?” I replied.  “Nope…it was just a silly dream…” the doll informed with a laugh.  “I see.” I replied, trying NOT to hide my disappointment.  Noticing, the doll came over and gave me a hug.  “Just a silly dream mom”.  “Are you calling me silly?” I said returning the hug…”

And then we laughed as she finished getting ready for school…