“I don’t care what they say!” the boy said angrily at me. “Well I do!” I replied. “Mom, it’s my life. I don’t give a monkey’s butt what the other kids think of me–at all!” He yelled. On most days I would be standing there raising my fists in the air saying “Way to go boy!!” but not when it pertains to wearing deodorant. For the love of God, at what age does it finally click in? “Look the other kids will make fun of you if you smell–especially at this age!” I said trying to convince him. “They already do and I don’t care!!” He returned. “What? They already make fun of your body odor and you STILL don’t remember to put it on? Don’t you think you could get them to stop taunting and teasing you by actually wearing the stuff? I mean it only takes a minute to put it on!” Undaunted he put his school shirt on without putting deodorant on first.
“Okay bay, look, there was a guy I used to work with, his name was Jim. He was fired from Best Buy because of his stench. I kid you not. The man took one bath a week, regardless the weather outside and tried to hide his stink with Brute aftershave. To this day I cannot stand the smell of that stuff. This man was FIRED-LOST HIS JOB-all because he only wore deodorant one day a week…if that. Please don’t be like Jim–especially when we’ve given you several different bars of deodorant to use.” “You’re just saying that.” he replied. “No I’m not…and I can find people who will back me up.” Defeated, at least for the moment (aka tired of mom nagging) he lifted his shirt and applied his Old Spice.
The 8th grade class’ annual Passion Play took place Thursday morning and will be performing again tonight at 7 pm at the church. The boy was given three roles: a man in the crowd, a pair of hands holding the cross steady so “Jesus” doesn’t topple over; and Herod, the Jewish King. “Mom, I’m going to see if I can switch with Keller. He wants to be Herod and I’d rather be a narrator.” “Why don’t you want to play Herod?” I asked. “Because its a well known fact mom, Herod was an asshole.” “What?” I asked trying not to laugh. “I had to do a report on the man and he was a douche bag asshole.” “Um, is there an chance we could use better language?”I asked him. “No other words adequately describe who he was; I don’t want the class to say, Oh look, perfect casting the boy is Herod”. Hiding a smile behind my hand I asked, “Are you an asshole douche bag at school?” “NO” he emphatically replied. “Well then, give it up to God; someone has to play that role, it may as well be you.”
After the Passion play, I walked over to Louise, a friend who helped direct the play and gave her a hug. “Your son did a great job in his role today…and boy did he ever try to get out of it.” She told me. “Yeah, I know.” “Well he did a great job and really took Herod’s character to heart and did a great job” she said. “I thought so too. He wasn’t too happy playing–in his words–an asshole. Louise looked back at me, covered her mouth and began laughing. Smiling back I added, “Yeah, I know, I told him to give it up to God and take on the role.” “Well he certainly did that!” And I could say nothing else but concur with her.
Happy Easter everyone 🙂