“Just so we’re clear mom…” the doll said, attempting to put rules into play for my future behavior, “You are allowed to help me pick them out, but you are not allowed to be in the dressing room with me…okay?” she finished. “Oh brother doll, its just a bra, for goodness sake” I replied annoyed. “SHHH! MOM knock it off…” she said through gritted teeth, as we walked through the department store. “Fine, have it your way.” I said as we approached the lingerie department and found a clerk to help us.
“Excuse me, I wonder if you could help us. My daughter…” I began and then realized she was hiding behind me so I needed to step aside and pull her forward by her left elbow. “Yes, my daughter needs to be measured…” I finished as crimson red, splashed across the doll’s face. “Wellwemaynothaveanythingforhersizebutletsstepintothedressingroomtobesure, pleasetakeoffyourcoat” the woman mumbled in reply. The doll looked at me and said “What?” The clerk turned and motioned for us to follow her and so we did; entering a large dressing room. Okay I need you to remove your sweatshirt, just the sweatshirt, its okay I don’t bite” I deciphered from the clerk, while the doll looked on confused. “Doll just remove your hoody…” I directed and she did, under a small protest. ” After a minute or so the clerk mumbled to me what size the doll needed and invited us to a wall of colorful bras from which we could choose; then left us to look them over.
“Well which ones do you like?” I asked. “How did you even understand a word out of that woman’s mouth?” the doll asked. “I used to work in retail…you just learn…” I replied. “Now come on, do you see a bra here that you like?” The doll’s eyes were permanently affixed to the floor until I took a picture of the wall with my Ipod. “What is WRONG with you? Why are you taking a picture of the bras!?!” She asked as she swatted my arm and then looked around to make sure no one was watching us. “Settle down, there are just so many choices…” I said with a laugh. “Okay, look, I wear a “nude” colored bra”, I said, lowering my shirt collar to show the doll my bra strap.” MOM WHAT ARE YOU DOING?” she said moving away from me. “Oh for the love of God, knock it off…I’m just showing you the color of my bra…not becoming and exhibitionist. If you want we can go with “nude” or “white” for you…okay?” I finished, shaking my head at my poor embarrassed doll.
After picking out two different sized and colored bras, we approached the dressing room again. I couldn’t help but notice how happy the doll seemed as I carried the bra hangers through the department to the dressing rooms; but once there, couldn’t wait to take them from my hand and lock me out. Make sure you put the clip to the middle position…” I said as she began to close the door. “What? Why?” she asked. “That’s what the clerk said. Make sure it fits comfortably at the bottom and in the middle position” I replied. “When did she say that?” the doll asked surprised. “When she measured you doll…” I said adding, “Can I help you in there?” I motioned to the inside of the room, she smiled and said, “No” then closed the door and locked it.
A short time later she emerged holding two bras saying “These fit better than the other two except the straps need to adjusted”.”You put them in the middle position?” I asked and she agreed. “Good” I said as we walked out to find a cashier. “Didyoufindamatchingpairofpantiesforher, theyareonsaleasamatchedset” the sales clerk asked as she passed us.”Looking at the doll I asked, “Whaddaya think doll? Do you need new panties too?” Crimson red made another appearance on the doll’s face. “I think finding her new bras has been traumatic enough…” to which I received a slap from the doll on my back. “The clerk smiled and then said, “I have grand daughters, I know…” then wished us a good day and walked away. “Here Mom” the doll said trying to hand me the bras to purchase. “Um, no, those are yours…” I replied. “But you’re paying for them…” she countered. “Yes, but you wouldn’t let me in the dressing room, so I think you can handle walking around the store with them.” “Grrr I hate you!” she replied.
We finally found a cashier in the bedding department who didn’t have any customers and asked if she could ring us out there. She agreed and the doll all but through the bras at her… The clerk looked up at me and smiled. “I remember those days…” She said as she began to ring up the sale. “Yes, she’s awfully modest” I said, noticing the doll had walked off to a different department. After making small talk with the clerk, I grabbed the bag to hand to the doll. “No thank you!” the doll returned and began to walk away from me. “Fine” I said and threw the package at her feet. “MOM!” The doll said very annoyed. “Doll, they are your bras–you carry them. Besides, no one can see them through the bag!!” I explained. “FINE! ” she said picking up the bag “But I hate you” she added before putting more distance between us.
When we reached the car she said, “Just so you know, thank you for buying me those bras. But that doesn’t change the fact that I hate you!” Laughing I said, “Well, we all hate our mothers at some point doll…so no harm, no fowl.”