This morning I yelled down to the boy instructing him to take my car keys and start the car, so it would have a chance to warm up before we left for school. Yesterday I asked him to do the same thing. Both days he did as he was told, but with two different outcomes. Yesterday when I sat down in the car I was greeted with warm air blowing from the vents. Today I found the boy, seated in the passenger seat; asking why the car was still cold. “Why didn’t you engage the engine?” I asked. “I did!” The boy said pointing at the lit symbols on the dashboard. “You engaged the battery….not the engine. How could you not tell the difference?” I asked a little peeved with him. “You know me Mama, I like the cold…” “Uh huh…well next time engage the engine okay?”
My friend Mary P always inquires about the other women I spend my time with. Yesterday she asked me “What is the worst experience you ever had with any client-me included.” Smiling back at her I replied, “I cannot say, honestly, but I’ll tell ya one of the funniest…” She grinned and said, “oh Marsha you’re being discreet–good girl! Okay tell me a funny story…..”
I had picked up my friend Charlotte from her assisted residence; she had a standing hair appointment each Monday at 11 am. Our plans from there were to go to lunch, before taking her back home. I knew my time with Charlotte was waning; she refused to keep her dentures in her mouth and our usually fun conversations weren’t so fun anymore. She had always been a cantankerous woman…and if you weren’t cantankerous in return, she would become mean. My motto has always been if I can’t laugh with them, then the job ain’t worth it. So I would respond in kind anytime she would start something–but in the kindest terms possible.
One day last summer, as we drove to her hair appointment she a asked me “Are you having hot flashes yet?” Smiling I replied “Uh not too many…but the few I’ve had, occurred at night; while I was in bed”. We travelled a little further in silence when she remarked, “Well you know why that is don’t you?” Before I could answer her question, she finished “Because that’s your husband trying to have sex with you while you’re asleep!”
At this juncture Mary P began to laugh. “Oh that Charlotte! She’s a firecracker that one”. I laughed along to, at such an apt description of her; before continuing my tale…
Keeping my eyes on the road so we wouldn’t crash, I shook my head in a ‘WTH’? manner, trying to figure out where this nonsense was coming from. Finally looking over at her I asked “Is the air conditioning too cold for you?” Without missing a beat she emphatically replied “Yes Dammit!! Took you long enough to figure out!” Reaching over and lowering the AC I said “You know, all ya had to do was ask me to turn it down darlin'”. Giving me her customary rueful smile she replied “Well where’s the fun in that?”
“Oh Marsha, I promise not to say anything like that to you, after all what goes on in your bedroom is none of my business” Mary said laughing. Smiling back all I could think was “Oh brother!