the survivalist….


The other day I was looking for some batteries. I had recently purchased a mega pack of double A batteries from Costco, yet couldn’t seem to locate one in the house. Getting increasingly upset, the boy finally offered, “Oh, I have some in my room….” and then went and retrieved the entire package containing 96 batteries. “WTH were you doing with all my batteries?” I asked a little perturbed. “I had them in my doomsday kit…” He replied with a matter of fact tone. “Doomsday kit?” I queried. “Yes…”

Has anyone ever watched the National Geographic program Doomsday Preppers? Well my son has. What’s more, he’s decided to create an emergency kit-not a bad idea mind you-in the chance he might actually need one. “What else do you have in your magic bag?” I asked curious to see what other missing household items he may have stashed in the bag. “Its not a magic bag Mama its more like a suitcase”. “Bay, I wasn’t being literal…” I replied. “Regardless, I’d prefer if you wouldn’t apply silly names to my belongings” He explained to which I replied, “Oh you’re no fun! So what else do you have in there? I said peering into the bag. “Well if you must know…” He began as he reached into the bag and began to show me his survivalist stash of goodies:

1 small tube of toothpaste

1 toothbrush

1 pair of nail clippers

1 small hairbrush

1 can opener

1 sweatshirt

6 pocket knives in various sizes

a deck of cards, LRC game dies, several books of matches, paper for kindling, a hand held mirror

2 pairs of wool hunting socks

assorted candy and other items

“Don’t you think you should have more than one sweatshirt?” I asked. “Mom this is a preliminary emergency bag. As the weather changes so will the contents of the bag. Oh and yes it should but I presume I’ll be wearing one as well. “Why so many knives?” “Different things require different blades…” He offered. “Bay, this looks like a pretty good bag–but you’re missing one really big important element that no survivalist should be without…” I said. “I know, but you won’t let me get a gun…” He said. “Gun? No, not a gun…” I returned incredulously. “No, toilet paper. That’s the number one thing…you don’t want to be wiping your ass on leaves do you? I mean you could get poison ivy…..” i explained while he tried to get me to stop saying, “Alright, yeah yeah whatever”.

“Seriously dude…are you serious about all this survival stuff?” I asked him. “Eh…you never know…what may happen” He replied. “Fair enough…but no more stealing all my batteries. You can take some of them-but not all…oh and bay?” “Yes?” “It would be good if you actually went outside every now and again-so as to acclimate yourself to the different weather patterns you may have to live in-if doomsday ever arrives.” I said. “I plan on living in an elaborate cave system…” He replied. “Oh…in other words…the basement?” I asked. “Exactly” he replied with a smirk. 

Why does this future feel very truthful and near to me….oh brother!

*if you would like to check out Doomsday Preppers…here is their link…


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