“Wow! This is huge!” My hubby yelled from our upstairs hallway. Making my way to the stairwell I looked up and there on the ceiling was one of those million legged (house centipede) creatures which live in basements. Years ago I made an agreement with the bugs (in general) that they could live in my basement-unseen by me-and be happy. You know-out of sight, out of mind…but if they ever ventured north-then all bets were off. Standing there my husband, while grossed out by the insect, was never the less in awe of the large bug and joked about knocking the darn thing off the wall to effectively land on me. “No, don’t!!” I said, taking a few steps back as my husband laughed. “How about I get a small plastic container….then you can seal it in and I’ll release outside-at least then the bug has a fighting chance versus being squished-not to mention the ugly stain that would remain on the wall”. I suggested and left to retrieve one. After a minute or so, the poor creature was locked inside the container-losing only one leg in the process; furiously trying to get out.
Then the real fun began.
The boy who was laying face down on the couch, watching something on his Ipad, didn’t see my approach. My husband meanwhile began yelling, “Drop it on the boy, drop it on the boy!!” Though I never would, I did hover the container over him. Sensing something was about to happen he turned, saw the very large insect inside the clear container and began to scream-like a 15 year old boy…. “WHAT THE F%^& IS THAT!! GET THAT THE F&^% AWAY FROM ME!!” while simultaneously rolling over and lifting his hands to block me from dropping the bug onto him.
“Watch your language!!” I said as I watched fear cross his face. “I HATE BUGS YOU KNOW THIS!!” The boy screamed. “Do you honestly think I would drop this on you?” I asked. Sometimes I wonder if these kids really know who their parents are…
Then I turned my attention toward the doll, who was seated at the kitchen table. As I entered the room, she began to scream. “What? It’s inside this container-don’t you want to take a look?” I asked. She immediately covered her eyes and yelled, “NO, MOM!! KEEP THAT AWAY FROM ME!!” “But doll, it can’t hurt you inside this container…” I reasoned.”MOM YOU KNOW I HATE SPIDERS!!” she shouted. “Yes, but this isn’t a spider” I replied. The distinction between bugs did not matter. The end result was the same: I had a boy screaming obscenities in one room and the doll simply screaming (she may still have a job in the horror industry as a screamer yet) in the other.
Having successfully awakened the kids from their books/videos/ipods/ipads doldrums, I decided the time had come to release the insect to the wilds. Walking out my front door, I carried the container half way down my driveway-you know so the insect would have a difficult time re-entering my house-and set the insect free. Whether the insect succeeded in surviving the elements or was eaten by something bigger I do not know. What I can tell you though is perhaps (hope) the other house centipedes witnessed the chaos and decided to remain hidden in my basement.
Family time can be fun…for all of us.