joyfully depressing….


IMG_1753-0For some time, the doll’s favorite color has been blue. Though lately, judging by the colored clothing (or lack of color there is) she’s chosen to wear, you might believe her favorite color(s) to be black or gray. Earlier this year, while attending a wedding in Charleston, SC, the doll pointed to the chair in front of us and said, “Look mom, we’re in my color palate”. But I digress. While looking through a bag of hand me over clothing the other day, she explained to my sister Ann Marie and I, what her true color palate was-less we forget: “Blue-though, the darker side of navy blue, black, silverish gray and white”. “You know, you can’t wear white after Labor day…” I said with a smirk. Giving me her best “You’re an idiot” look-you know, the one she usually reserves only for her brother; she asked, “What are you talking about?” Smiling back at her I replied, “An old antiquated fashion rule…of only wearing white in the summer”. “Well that’s just dumb, Mom”, she replied with a head swivel full of attitude.

Yet as much as the doll loves the darker colors against her peach colored skin, she is fully aware that other’s may find them drab and depressing.


The doll, surprised me the other day, as we sat in church. Leaning over she quietly asked me, “Am I a depressing person?” Without hesitation I replied, “No, on the contrary, you’re a joy!” and rubbed her back with my right hand in a reassuring manner. “Do you see yourself as a depressing person?” I asked. Shaking her head “No” she replied “How can you tell I’m not a depressing person?”  Our parish priest was in the middle of delivering a beautiful homily about not allowing other’s to steal your joy and I found this an interesting parallel with what he was talking about. “Doll, tell me, do you mope around all day? Do you point out other’s shortcomings? Do you walk around depressed, spreading doom and gloom wherever you go?” “No” she replied and then nodded at the understanding of what I asked. “You’re clothing not withstanding, I think other’s would see you as I do as someone with an absolutely beautiful smile, who is funny and friendly and enjoys being around others. If you were a depressing person, you would be the one out to steal other’s joy. But from where I’m sitting, you’re more likely to be helping spread joy than not”.

Then we both returned our attention to the priest as he finished up his homily. Once he concluded she looked back at me and said, “I really like his sermons”. Surprised I smiled back and said “Me too”.


As we walked home the doll looked at me and asked, “What’s depressing about my clothing?” Smiling back I replied… “Okay you have a depressing color palate…” “Like you know fashion mom…” She replied and all I could do was laugh.









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