“I’m tired of you looking like a patient from the mental ward…” I explained to the boy when he asked why I was making him go clothes shopping with me Monday night. The hubby who was supposed to come and offer backup, remained home-something about helping the doll with a homework assignment (A likely story!). “Mom I don’t see the need to buy new clothes. I feel quite comfortable in what I’m wearing” He tried to reason. Sizing up the young man before me, his shoulders slouched, wearing an oversized T-shirt with loose fitting draw stringed sweat pants I replied, “Perhaps they’re useful as Saturday morning clothes, but not for going to church or out in public. Look dude, I realize you hate clothes shopping-maybe even as much as I do. But you need a new pair of jeans along with something nice to wear to the wedding on Saturday” Which ended his attempts at getting out of the shopping expedition.
When we arrived at the store, the first article of clothing I grabbed were a pair of jeans. Walking further into the department, we came upon dress shirts and slacks. Once I had found a general idea of clothing for him to try on, we entered the dressing room. Fortunate for me at the time, no other men were in the vacinity–which made it easier for me to walk in and out of the dressing area-adding new things for him to try on and retrieving those which did not fit. “Try this one too” I said handing him a new pair of slacks. “What? No Mom, I don’t want to” came his response. “Too bad, as your mom, you don’t have a choice. I want you to look as good as possible” I explained. “But I don’t want to look good. I only want to look passable” He replied. “Passable? What are you some super sleuth who wants to blend into the background?” I asked. “Yes..I don’t want to be noticed” He replied. “Too bad, so sorry for you! As your mother, it’s my responsibility to show everyone what a handsome young man you are. Now stand up straight, shoulders back.” “I can’t” He said. “Bay, C’mon, pull your gut in and push your shoulders back and stand up straight” I instructed by grabbing his shoulders and pushing them back. “It’s virtually impossible to do both” he said. “You are so full of s-h-i… you know that? If you stand up straight with your shoulders back your gut will automatically pull in. Right now you’re so rounded…you look like a little old man-not an almost 16 yr old boy”. “Mom if I put my shoulders back I get shooting pains down my back…” “Really shooting? Or just discomfort from standing up straight?” I wondered. “Same thing!!” he replied. “Bay, C’mon. Can you lift your arms in this shirt? How do the pants feel?” I switched subjects. “Mom, this one looks perfect, let’s get them and go…please?” He said after every shirt I had him try on.
After awhile, we settled on a nice pair of black slacks, a black base with electric blue and green kriss/cross striped shirt an a pair of relaxed fit jeans to take to the check out. “Now all we need to do is find you a tie…” I said as we entered another department. “While you’re doing that, I’m going to go look at the hats”. The boy said and walked into the next department. A short time later he reappeared wearing a nice hat saying, “Can you get me this hat please?” Grabbing the hat from his head and spying the price I replied, “Maybe, but first I want to see what the other hats look like first…”
Finally the boy and I had some fun. Every hat I made him put on was shot down, save one. His excuses ran from his head being too large-which was the case on more than one hat; to the hat not really being his style.
“What this isn’t mental patient chic?” I asked. “No…no it is not” He replied with a smirk. “What about this one?” I asked. After trying it on and discovering ear flaps which tuck into the hat he admitted, “This is actually a really nice hat…” “You know, I should just buy two of these as you’re going to make your dad jealous…” I remarked and the boy smiled saying, “Please don’t. I’d rather he be jealous of me…”
PS. When we arrived home to show dad, not only the boy’s new hat (the boy so enjoyed his father’s jealousy over that one) but his new dress shirt as well. After trying on the shirt himself, his father asked the boy “Doesn’t this shirt feel a bit snug around your arms and shoulders? The boy replied, “I told mom it fit fine. I mean dad, she was killing me with all the shirts she had me try on…”
Guess what we’re doing tonight?