talking to save…

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In the summer of 2009 we found out our boy was being bullied by a few boys from school-one in particular whom he thought of as a good friend. This boy had spent the night at our house and vice versa; several times, yet when pressured around other kids, found life easier to support the bullies than the boy. I called his mother, also a very good friend of mine in tears and explained the situation to her. “I can no longer allow your son over to my house. I have to support my boy” I said. Ten minutes later she called me back and asked if we could have a face to face meeting-so the boys could clear the air…and we did. The boy forgave him and they went back to being friends. “I couldn’t let this become a strain on our relationship” My friend said. Looking back I have to agree with her-had the boys not talked things out, she and I would not have the friendship we have today. Talking things out is the best answer-even when scared to do so.

*****

The other night the doll entered the kitchen prepared to talk with me. As you know, our more serious conversations only occur in the car, so I was a bit surprised when she started this conversation. “Mom, do you remember when you and Ms. C had the boy and her son sit down together-to air out their differences?” “Yes” I replied. “Is there a way you could set one of those up with Jenny and her mom?” Looking back at her a little stunned I asked, “Why?” in reply. “Well as you know there are a few things that she’s done in the past that we haven’t resovled that’s wasn’t very “best” friend like to me and I want to know why. I mean she was mad at me about something and she posted it on the pick internet “site” for strangers, who don’t even know us to pick sides and comment on. Why would she do that? Those people don’t know me or her but she invited them into our business.” She said visibly upset. Shaking her head she added,  “And another time I told her a secret that I didn’t want to get around and I found out later she had told Stephanie. I don’t know if she’s trying to get my attention or what, but she’s going about it the wrong way.”  “Okay…” I said in reply. “I just thought if we had a chance to sit down and talk-with maybe you and her mom around, she might actually tell me the truth. Otherwise she might think I’m bullying or being mean to her-which is the last thing I want her to think” She explained.

WOW-is this my daughter? I thought. This is awfully mature…am I in the Twilight zone?

“Um, okay, I’ll text her mom in the morning…” I said. “But doll, you know, if your going to bring up all her flaws, you have to be prepared to hear your own” I said. “What flaws?” She asked. “I don’t know…but I’m sure you have them. They could be anything like you talking to someone other than her in the hall…or maybe she perceived you as dissing her-when all you were doing is walking down the hall to the bathroom. Something made her mad enough at you to do those dumb things…” I explained. She nodded her head and said, “Fair enough. I’d rather us be on equal footing. I know what it’s like to feel like you don’t have any friends. I don’t want her to feel like that. But if she keeps doing these things, then that’s where she’s gonna find herself”. The doll replied then excused herself from the room.

*****

The next morning I texted Jenny’s mother “Hey this is gonna sound odd but…the doll would like to have a moderated talk with your daughter…with you and I in attendance-so the girls can clear the air. What do you think?”A short time later she replied and we set up a time to meet on the weekend.

 

 

 

 

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