On any given day, I can accomplish feats of stupendous ability. In fact, I’m so great, I can accomplish these without even trying. Like, for instance, on any given day, walking past an open door in sweatpants and without warning, my sweat pants pocket grabs hold of the door knob and pulls the door right into me. “Wha?” I say out loud, before adding, “I couldn’t do this if I tried”.
Or how about the time I arrived at Mary Alice’s on a cold and snowy morning to find her back door locked. “No problem, I have keys” my mind rationalized. As I reached back to my purse to pull them out, my backpack lifted from my back and hit their overhanging, snow filled awning, which adorns her house. Since the awning was being weighed down by snow, icicles had formed and broke free, sending one nice sized icicle into my sweet spot.
The sweet spot?
Yes, the sweet spot!
You know, the opening, between your coat, sweatshirt, and undershirt? That small and seemingly unnoticed area behind your neck, left unprotected from an unnatural occurrence that sent a large and very cold piece of ice down my bare back and into my pants–because for once in a million years, I had tucked my undershirt in. “What in the heck!” I thought to myself as I danced around trying to rush the cold sliver of ice down my back and out my pant leg.
Tell me, could I have ever accomplished this feat if planned?
Well, probably not in the same entertaining manner…
My children also seem to have inherited this ability from me, except, there’s tend to come across as being clumsy, rather than any great skill. Like the time, the boy tripped on something walking out of the kitchen into our living room. Somehow he maneuvered his body into performing a mid-air somersault, landing on his rear end instead of crashing head on into our newly purchased and expensive television set. For a boy who stands 6’1″ tall and weighs 220 pounds, this was quite an accomplishment.
But the most impressive of all was the doll, who somehow avoided spilling vegetable beef soup all over our lightly colored carpeting when the dog undercut her walkway yesterday. Somehow, miraculously, the doll’s headphone cord, caught the door knob and pulled her to a stop, essentially allowing the dog to walk on through without incident. “How the heck?” She said complaining as she disentangled her headphone cord from the door. “Does this happen to you very much?” I asked amused by her entanglement. “More than I care to admit,” she replied.
Now some of you may contend that our guardian angels were behind all these seemingly random moments of greatness-protecting us from some unforeseen fate and you may be right. I, however, contend these guardians must also have a wicked sense of humor…as I continue working that piece of ice out of my pants.