I had dinner not to long ago, with a friend who never married and has no children. I had her laughing about all the messes we seemed to get into and about how frustrating my kids can be; how they drive me nuts. She looked at me and asked, “Did you ever think you were cut out to be a mom?” Laughing I said, “I knew I’d be a mom. For a while there didn’t think I could be-biologically speaking, but I always wanted to be one so…yes I did. That does not mean that I’m a very good one though”. I replied. “What made you want to have kids?” She asked and I laughed, “Oh, catholic guilt probably.” She laughed and asked “Really? That’s it?” I stopped for a moment and thought before the answer came clear in my head, “I’m going to need someone to take care of me in my old age. Who better than my own children?” She offered a guffaw and then looked at me a little harder. Finally I replied, “They make my life so much more rich and interesting”.
There is the underlying value. The boy and the doll make my life rich and interesting every day, even the days when they frustrate me to no ends. When I try to imagine where I’d be today, if I they were never conceived, a few things come to mind. First, I’d probably have a little more money in my pocket but I wouldn’t have as many friends. I wouldn’t have a blog to vent about my life, which is a lifeline for me. I think our life would be rather boring because the kids, even with their problems and issues and lousy math scores, bring so much more vitatlity to our lives than not. Plus, when we do reach old age, the doll and boy will hopefully, at least, come visit us in the nursing home.
I’ve been doing this exercise/food portion controlled program for the last three weeks, trying to change the course of my life. As a birthday present to myself I decided it was time to stop acting like a child and start paying attention to what my body has been telling me. With the help of my neices I’ve been doing fairly well, even lost a few pounds. What’s the most shocking to me is how great I feel as opposed to before. Of course dropping a pant size is encouraging too…
The other day I wrote if Mrs. K had not been in the car, I might have kicked the boy. My husband later admonished me saying “You come across as a bully” He explained. “Well first of all, even if he did happen to sit in the front seat, I wouldn’t have been able to kick him, the console would have gotten in the way. In addition, my readers are semi-intelligent (I say semi because you read this blog), they understand frustration written out is not the same as actual physical punishment or attacks. But for the record, please let me inform, “No physical harm has ever come to any of my children for failing to talk to their Math teachers. In addition, if either child happens to fail their math finale exams next week, while I’ll be upset and unhappy afterward, their punishement will be to take remedial Math classes and lose internet service for the summer.
That seems the more appropriate and painful response.
Happy long weekend 🙂