Get out of your own way!!!

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The boy left yesterday with his high school classmates, to attend a three day retreat, an hour north in Canton, Michigan–far away from electronic devices and other noisemakers that could prevent him from participating in the message that God is real and God is love. As an incredibly arrogant eighteen year old, he has told me regularly that he no longer believes in God–as there are too many other choices out there to explain everything. “That’s fine,” I’ve said, “I was in the same boat when I was your age,” I’ve told him adding, “But don’t throw he baby our with the bathwater, okay?” Hoping he would understand the analogy.

Yesterday, as I drove him to school with his gear, he sat unhappily in the car, rather stone faced. I kept joking with him,  trying to get him to talk with me considering I wouldn’t see him for a few days, but he wasn’t playing. Finally, tired of my jokes he yelled, “I can’t believe you’re making me do this…” Smiling I replied, “What? This is a requirement for graduation and you’re probably going to have a great time…” I explained. “I have no doubt I’ll have an enjoyable time, but I will be missing three days! Three days when I could be using that time learning!!” He exclaimed. “Oh, like you did this weekend…?” I asked alluding to the time (several hours) spent playing video games. “Mom, you’re not getting it…” He tried again. “Oh I get what you’re saying bay, and  you know what? You’re full of Bullshit… 100 percent bullshit. In addition, “Since you were a little boy, the one thing that has been the most detrimental for you…” I said, fired up, ready to give him my what for; when he interrupted me and said, “My autism”. “No, your inability to get out of your own way!! Whether you want to blame this on your autism or on your ego is up to you, but frankly bay, I’m tired of watching YOU keep YOU from experiencing life,” I finished and he sat stone faced.

When we pulled in front of the school for drop off, I tried again, “Bay, don’t close yourself off from experiencing something… Just because right now you have no faith in God, does not mean he does not exist. You say you love to learn, but if you keep your mind closed during this retreat, then you’re the antithesis of what your profess. Be open, you might be surprised…” He opened the car door and began to get out. I met him on the other side and tried to get a hug from him, but he resisted. “Are you embarrassed?” I asked him. “No, I just don’t want to give you a hug right now,” He replied. “Okay,” I said, grabbing his scruffy face, leaning over and giving him a kiss. “Have fun bay…” I said as he turned and walked away from me…

 

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