embarrassing mom–ftw!


Last Thursday and Friday I had the honor to watch a student produced play at my children’s high school; my son acting as stage/sound coordinator. The play was first conceived and written by one of my son’s classmates who, coincidentally also directed and starred in the production and over the course of the last eight months worked with his drama club to make this happen. “Mom, you’ll enjoy this play, it has three different endings…” My son excitedly explained encouraging my presence.

What I came to find out however, is that when he said “three different endings” he meant something entirely different from what I conjured up in my head. The play was a murder mystery and I thought each night would have an entirely different murderer. No, instead the last character on stage uttered something different. Oh well, what do you expect from kids without a budget?

In any case, the play hosted a ten minute intermission and both nights in those ten minutes, I managed to embarrass both children with little to no effort on my part. “I was talking with you English teacher….” I began as the boy and I made our way out to the car, “She told me she can definitely see you as an English teacher, because you have to be a bit goofy to teach English at the high school level…” He grinned, “Yes, I like Mrs. F, she’s pretty cool…” “I told her I thought you should teach at the college level actually…” I added and he stopped, looked at me and said, “Did you just dis my English teacher?” “No…?” I replied. “I think you did. Mom, why would you say that to her…?” “What? That I felt you were smart enough to teach at a higher level, what’s wrong with that?” I asked confused. “You basically told her she wasn’t smart enough to teach at the college level, that’s all…” “What?” I replied still confused. Shaking his head he said, “I’m going to have to apologize to her in the morning for your embarrassing comments”. “What?” I replied lost.

Later, on the drive home he said, “I want you to know… I was yanking your chain back there…” Nodding  I let my right hand go and smacked him across his left arm. “You’re a jerk sometimes…” I said. “Yeah well, this nut doesn’t fall far from the tree…MOM” He said, as our conversation drew to a close.


My doll happens to have five classmates with the same first name; all are similarly spelled. In order to keep from being confused when telling me about them, she’s come up with identifying monikers for them. For example, there is Band Mary–she’s in the band, Chinese Mary-she’s a foreign exchange student from China…etc. Friday night after the play, the gentleman I sat next to made the point of introducing me to his daughter; one of the actors in the play. During the course of our conversation, I asked. “Oh, do you know my daughter, the doll?”  “Actually,” She began, we sit at the same lunch table together. “Oh, you’re a Freshman? You’re one of the many “Mary’s in your class? I bet that’s difficult for you…” I said. The girl rolled her eyes then said, “Yes,” followed with a small laugh. “You know, my doll has a way to identify the “Mary’s” to me…” I began and then explained, “There’s band-Mary,” I began and then the girl filled in that Mary’s real last name for me. “Chinese Mary, Cartoon Mary, um….” I said, forgetting the remaining girls moniker. “Well anyway, I thought you were very good in the play these last two nights…” I said changing the subject, which she thanked me for, then excused herself.

While waiting for the boy to finish up, I sent a text to my doll asking her the other “Mary’s names  so I could place this lunch mate and she returned, “Long Hair Mary…” “Ah…I met her tonight, but she doesn’t have long hair,” I replied. “She recently had it cut…” My doll responded.  “Okay,” I replied and the text conversation dropped.

A few days later, while driving home from school, I asked if “Long Hair Mary” mentioned meeting me Friday night? “She sits further down the table from me…” She replied conjuring up a memory, “Yes, she told me that you don’t really talk that much, but that there are two other Mary’s seated among you,” I returned. “Mom, what did you do…” My doll asked. “We talked about the many “Mary’s” in your class…” I said noting that I couldn’t remember what moniker you had given her. “Why would you tell her any of them?” She asked, embarrassed. “Obviously, she has her own way of telling them apart…probably similar to yours,” I replied and then added, “I mean did she say anything to you about it?” “I already told you we sit at opposite ends of the table,” She said, clearly upset with me. “Well doll, sucks to be you among the many Mary’s at your school…” I said, chuckling. “Mom, next time just don’t talk to my classmates, okay?” She said perturbed. “I make no promises…” I replied then winked through the rear view mirror at her while she stuck her tongue out at me.



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