In the boy’s mind….if all the stars aligned properly….and if he had the tenacity…he could write a master thesis titled “The Art of Out Maneuvering Your Parents”. The basis of which would include dynamics for wearing down parents resolve. Using an endless array of dumb and useless information with which to barrage parents into allowing (child) to make a case to do the exact opposite of what parents suggest:
Subject matter: Parents want to go for a family walk
Child Argument 1: Temperature of the day: If the sun is out, regardless of the outside temperature, there is some little known fact (or not) that just walking in the sun could cause heat stroke.
Parent reply: Are you a vampire?
Child Argument 1 Support: While Vampirism is a work of fiction, the disease of Porphyria does exist. (Me) Having been born with fair skin, there have been cases where the sun, can cause pain….
Parent Reply: But you do not have Porphyria. You have 15 yr old boyitis. You also suffer from contrary-ism which explains your need to do the opposite of every thing suggested. In addition, your limited knowledge of the disease would suggest further examination and clinical trials. As such, walking with parents in a shaded park, carrying water with you, should help eliminate heat stroke possibilities.
Child Argument 2: I’m too tired to go for a walk in the park.
Parent Reply: Well the walk will do you good…give you some exercise, create energy…wake you up.
Child Argument 2 Support: Scientific studies suggest too much exercise does not create energy, but instead energy drain. As such, going for walks with my Grandmother last week filled my exercise quotient for the week.
Parent Reply: Question…how long did said walks take?
Child reply. We walked about an hour each day and then went out for a treat afterward. *Note smile from memory of treat-not the walk
Parent Reply: Out of the possible 168 total hours for the week, you walked 3. Contrary to what you believe…or rather would like US to believe, exercise creates energy. Thus your three hours were more of an exercise of stretching to get into a better slouch position. Through walking or any type of physical exercise available, more energy is created thus helping you to live a healthier and longer life.
Child Argument 3: You woke me up too early that day, therefore it’s the parent’s fault for my lack of desire to cooperate.
Parent Reply: You were awaken from your slumber 15 minutes before 11 am Mass. A Mass; I might add, in which you pretended to sleep through. Having acquired over 10 hours of sleep through the night/daytime hours, You’ve had ample rest for the day.
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Child Conclusion: The combination of all three arguments in addition to further examples of data suggest that a family walk-though nice for a family outing, really isn’t within the realm of things said child would like to accomplish that day.
(play video games, watch television, read a book-maybe)
Parent Reply: Not even for a snack after the walk?
Child Reply: New information suggests an additional hour of testing is necessary to further complete thesis.
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Parent Result: Child finds tennis shoes to attend a family walk; bribery in its basic form still works on 15 yr old contrary boy. Child’s thesis paper needs work.
Mean Mommy's Memoir 